al-fatihah

13 Rejab 1430 / 6th July 2009:

woke up on monday morning, everything went blur. makcik called pukul 6pagi crying her soul out..said that she needs flight ticket to alor star. hangup the phone. otak masih beku.. keluar bilik nak cuci muka..saw mama sitting at the staircase, cried like that is the end of the world. aku tanya.."mama, what happened?" she can just said, "tok dah takdak!" and sambung nangis. i was speechless..aku tengok kakak, kakak pon speechless. nangis pon tak..we both then packed arif's n azim's clothes, kejut diorg suruh mandi, and called makcik saying tht we will pick her up. around 7.30am dah on the way back to jitra. reached there at 12.30pm. at this point of time..masa tengok jenazah tok, rasa sedih sangat. i could hardly fight the tears..turun selaju lajunya. baca yaasin, cried, wiped, sambung baca, cried, and couldn't be bothered to wipe dah. redha tok takda..but i just cannot stop myself from crying. it was an emotional one. semua anak2 tok mandikan tok..aku stop nangis. nak mandikan tok..nak mandikan tok for the last time. at 2.30pm after zohor, semua dah selesai.

a week before that, on 24th june aku balik kedah sorang2. nk tgk tok sbb the last time mama n all balik aku xsempat balik..bz dgn exams. naik flight sorang2..buat surprise kat tok sbb tok taktau aku nk balik..yang tau papa n mak njang but none of them bgtau tok. she looked surprised masa aku sampai rumah..n she looked happy. untuk 5 hari..tok nampak sangat happy. aku tolak wheelchair tok n talked to her about many things. pegang dia and urut dia..suruh dia makan banyak sikit sbb dia sangat kurus. and she said that she ate alot now compare time dia sakit dulu.. "nie pun kira dah banyak dah laa..sblum nie tok langsung tak lalu" dia nampak ok..sihat. she wanted a torch light..sabtu tgh hari before flight aku mlm tu, aku mintak bangcik bawak aku pegi beli for her. i bought one red torch light medium size which she can carry easily..siap belikan extra batt in case the batt kong. this time, dia ambik torch light tu sambil senyum. she's happy sbb dapat torch light. tok can easily be happy on small things..that's my tok! bila nak balik, i kissed and hugged her..masih senyum. she handed me popia goreng utk bwk balik KL kat amir, cucu kesayangan. she said that the last time amir balik, amir bangun lambat n tak sempat mkn popia goreng. that is why she wanted me to bring popia goreng back to KL. aku ambik. dia suruh bagi sikit kat udin sbb dia tau udin yg hantar n ambik aku kat airport, that's my tok! thoughtful!

she thought me how to cook. tok is the best cook ever! she made her own traditional kuih. u name it..donut, currypuff, kuih lopes or even roti canai. hebat kan??? who can beat that? and i'm gonna miss tok's pindang the most. the day tok passed away, maksu dgn long ckp yg tok byk kali sebut about the torch light i bought her..n she was happy that i went back to see her. she knew yg aku akan undergo knee surgery. she knew. but she thought that will be in august no matter how much i told her that it is not going to take place until december..and she wanted to come..

tok, i might not be a good granddaughter, but you are my bestest grandmother ever!! i pray, pray, pray that Allah grant you the heaven among the righteous. may you rest in peace. amin.

laa.